Womanly Tales

I watched an interesting talk show called BlogTV on Newsasia – a prominent Singapore television channel.
Here’s the Facebook page for this talk show: http://www.facebook.com/blogtv.sg
Here’s a picture of the hosts and their guests on the show I am talking about: http://www.facebook.com/ajax/sharer/?s=2&appid=2305272732&p[]=64081923236&p[]=9508707

So what was the topic? Statistics in 2011 report that there was a 10% increase between Singaporean women and expats. Singaporean men on the other hand were marrying Asian women from outside of Singapore.
Hence, the topic for discussion was: Do Singaporean women prefer expats and if so why? More pertinently what’s wrong with Singaporean men?

On the panel were a couple of experts – An individual who helps Singaporean men improve their ability to date and a professor from a Management University. In addition was a Singaporean man who’s single and a Singaporean woman who’s married to a German.

So what is going on here as per the experts? The professor said that the draw towards Caucasian men has to do with this race being economically better off historically and as a result more confident about what they have to offer. The dating expert agreed stating how the average Expat salary is about 200000 while the average Singaporean male earns about 60-70000. However money is not everything because as the professor pointed out in the US the Asian community is financially very well off and YET they are not attractive to their fellow Asians. In the US there is also a higher number of Americans of Asian origin marrying Caucasian men. The professor concluded that this has to do with Caucasian men being more flexible than his Asian counterpart. The Singaporean woman on the panel concurred stating that her friends are too independent, opiniated and outspoken to be attractive to Singaporean men.

The dating expert added that there are three aspects that Singaporean men need to learn – 1) To be assertive 2) to be comfortable with their sexual nature and I do not recall the third aspect. Interestingly the Singaporean man on the panel did not seem to think he lacked in any of these.

So what next? They put (a bit unfairly) to test the dating skills of the dating expert and the Singaporean man with an ‘anonymous’ caller on the phone. The Singaporean man went first and made a ROYAL mess of his alloted 60 seconds. At this point I had my eyes covered – embarassed – and thinking of changing channels. Next came Mr.Expert who then had to behave just normal to win the contest.
The female host then turned to the professor asking – what next? The prof replied – More of the same trend.

I found this show entertaining at the very least. I was impressed by the stats and the research by the prof. The sample specimens were fabulous themselves – the gulf between the aspirations of the woman and man could not have been more apparent even if the two didn’t say a thing.

This bridge is going to take more than just dating lessons to resolve itself. Asian male stereotypes from the past have left the current generation of Asian men little to draw from. As Deepan mentioned, these men now face a completely different world where none of the ‘methods’ of the past work. Further they have to not only equal the playing field but excel it in order to attract women in their social spheres – this was reflected in one of the comments the Singaporean woman made where she said she has always been attracted to the idea of having mixed race babies… now top that Singaporean man!

There are some beliefs in life that I have not had to question. OR I have not had an experience where some of these ‘personal’ beliefs threw up a road block or posed a quandary when faced with the beliefs of those around me. I have lived and travelled in different parts of the world for the better part of my life – and yet despite the change and diversity around me, some beliefs have remained.
One such is that of karma and past lives. I do believe that human souls are on a journey to experience itself – in all its truth and glory – and for some of us this journey will take multiple life times. As we journey our actions (and this includes inactions) is qualified by karma. This is a game but with a difference. Each individual is responsible for discerning the rules and scoring system for herself. This is because none of us start at the same place – instead our entry and exit is completely randomized- or to the master player precisely ordained through our collective actions (and inactions). We are equal in that we are all players. Beyond this, there is nothing equal about our current position or our next play. The karma game does away with competition.
For competition it is vital to know where one is in relation to another. With karma, such comparisons and exercises in relativity (he did this hence I will do this) is ultimately fruitless. We can recognize good and bad karma. We will also experience through cause and effect the good and bad karma of those around us. Engaging in this play based on relativity while unavoidable is restrictive and hinders our journey of discovery.
I was asked by a co-traveller – When you see a blind man, do you believe that his blindness is a result of bad karma? My answer was yes. In doing so I started a competition by relating to another individual and trying to measure our karma points. In doing so, through my analysis – sight or no sight, I was able to ascertain that I was doing better. Hence I was expressing something about myself and not really answering the question.
Karma is only comprehended truly by our soul.
Our collective karma (or Sanchita karma) is complex and only discern-able to our soul. ‘We’ exist due to our souls and not the other way around. The blind man is experiencing truth in this way and it would be very simplistic for us to pre-judge what that tells us about his karma.
The karma game can be played by motivation but to no real success.
Most systems (corporate, government, familial) are obsessed around motivation. What is the right motivation and on that basis, how can we change a person’s behaviour? I recently read an article in the Guardian about how it is the economists (and NOT the bankers) who came up with this notion of giving leaders of business a stake of the profits in their company as a way to guarantee they are motivated to pursue higher profits. Once you set that expectation, why would anyone want to work for profit unless guaranteed that pound of flesh?
Some people apply karma in a motivational sense too. If I visit the Amarnath temple or bathe in the Ganges, I will get good karma AND be able to wash away all my sins (papa). OR if I give to charity, I will accumulate good karma that will attract more good things into my life. Krishna in the Gita throws light on the futility of gaming karma through motivation. Do your actions, He says, without desiring the fruits from it. In the Gita he explains the role of DHARMA – knowing one’s purpose in life – and how karma is maximized when actions are aligned to one’s dharma. In the case of Arjuna for whom the Gita came into being, his dharma was to wage war on Hastinapur – his ancestral home – and in following through on his dharma, he would maximize his karma.
Does our belief in karma and past lives hence make us apathetic to human conditions?
This was the follow up question from my co-traveller. My response was no. And yet when we collectively as a society (in India) fail to improve the conditions of those who are similarly challenged, it does confirm some measure of apathy. Is my co-traveller wrong in linking this behaviour to our beliefs? Something about our understanding (or lack of) of our beliefs leads to this apathy. I can argue that it is our ignorance of what karma means that leads to this apathy. Nevertheless, it does not make me any less culpable.

A lovely salad that I hope to try at home:
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3 cup green beans
6 cloves garlic, peeled & sliced
6 shallots, peeled & sliced
10 Thai chilies, sliced
2 large red chilies, seeded and sliced
1/2 cup grated coconut
1 tsp. lime juice
1/2 tsp. black peppercorns, crushed.
1 tsp. salt
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Here’s a link to trying this with chicken: http://www.marga.org/food/int/bali/beans.html

The question I have is on the spice paste – is that part of the salad or just for the chicken? Anybody know?